Aurélie, Vicky & Louis
Brisbane, Queensland
Personal items of the family: toy xylophone, Lego truck and mover, "Teddy" (baby comforter), storybooks, wooden placemat, hanging artworks of France, Bumblebee (Transformers) mini backpack, dancing shoes, cookbooks, helmets, passports (France, England & Australia), travel guidebook, coffee machine, running shoes, bicycle, commitment rings, scooter, Leicester City (English) Football Club King Power soft toy, bodyboard, Royal English bath duck, exercise mat, Australian Defence Force Hat Medium: Watercolor on Paper
Autumn/Summer 2019
Autumn/Summer 2019
It was a slightly warm but humid summer’s day. Aurélie had just returned home this weekend after a 6-week new army recruit training stint. The family was enjoying some much missed time together. They had just finished their lunch at their double-storey townhouse when I arrived. Their home is bright and cozy for the family of three, with defined spaces and nooks for just about everything and everyone. “Neat and tidy” is truly an understatement here. They live in a lovely neighbourhood on the outskirts of Brisbane, a stone’s throw away from the Kedron Brook, a pretty waterway with lots of trails and small parks; an area the family spends a lot of time in. They love the outdoors and their little Louis would never refuse an opportunity to visit a park and would be either on his bike or scooter getting about.
It was a slightly warm but humid summer’s day. Aurélie had just returned home this weekend after a 6-week new army recruit training stint. The family was enjoying some much missed time together. They had just finished their lunch at their double-storey townhouse when I arrived. Their home is bright and cozy for the family of three, with defined spaces and nooks for just about everything and everyone. “Neat and tidy” is truly an understatement here. They live in a lovely neighbourhood on the outskirts of Brisbane, a stone’s throw away from the Kedron Brook, a pretty waterway with lots of trails and small parks; an area the family spends a lot of time in. They love the outdoors and their little Louis would never refuse an opportunity to visit a park and would be either on his bike or scooter getting about.
The Kedron Brook Medium: Acrylics on Canvas
Aurélie & Vicky
Aurélie & Vicky
Louis (4 years)
Louis (4 years)
The journey to parenthood was not an easy one for Aurélie and Vicky. From the moment they decided to start a family, they did not anticipate that it would be more than 3 years before they became parents. Through all the ups and downs, Vicky remarked, “When you get to the end and you have your child with you, it is just the most rewarding.”
The journey to parenthood was not an easy one for Aurélie and Vicky. From the moment they decided to start a family, they did not anticipate that it would be more than 3 years before they became parents. Through all the ups and downs, Vicky remarked, “When you get to the end and you have your child with you, it is just the most rewarding.”
In the beginning, the couple from Australia’s Sunshine State thought of having a known sperm donor. “We liked the idea of having someone we knew, although not necessarily personally. We never wanted the donor to have responsibilities or commitments to our child. However, if he wanted to sometimes know how our child was going or perhaps even meet up, the opportunity would be there,” Aurélie said. With counselling and legal support, they actually found a local donor through the web and proceeded with self-insemination methods at home. Despite multiple attempts, luck was not on their side.
In the beginning, the couple from Australia’s Sunshine State thought of having a known sperm donor. “We liked the idea of having someone we knew, although not necessarily personally. We never wanted the donor to have responsibilities or commitments to our child. However, if he wanted to sometimes know how our child was going or perhaps even meet up, the opportunity would be there,” Aurélie said. With counselling and legal support, they actually found a local donor through the web and proceeded with self-insemination methods at home. Despite multiple attempts, luck was not on their side.
They then sought the assistance of a fertility clinic for artificial insemination using an anonymous donor from the clinic's affiliated sperm bank. Here, the French-British couple were recommended to consider an American sperm donor. They were told, "Australian and European sperms were not good enough compared with American ones, which were better swimmers and shown to be more effective when used for intra-uterine insemination (IUI)." In a way, this was more favourable to Aurélie and Vicky as there were far more American donors to choose from because they were paid donors rather than altruistic donors. Unfortunately, this again proved to be another setback. Time was ticking away when they finally switched to in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) using the same donor.
They then sought the assistance of a fertility clinic for artificial insemination using an anonymous donor from the clinic's affiliated sperm bank. Here, the French-British couple were recommended to consider an American sperm donor. They were told, "Australian and European sperms were not good enough compared with American ones, which were better swimmers and shown to be more effective when used for intra-uterine insemination (IUI)." In a way, this was more favourable to Aurélie and Vicky as there were far more American donors to choose from because they were paid donors rather than altruistic donors. Unfortunately, this again proved to be another setback. Time was ticking away when they finally switched to in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) using the same donor.
When asked about how they chose their donor, Aurélie responded, “We know he is American. In his profile, there were a few points about his life and a little handwritten essay that gave us a sense about the person. It did feel like we were just shopping and it did cross our minds ... what if we ended up choosing a complete nutter!” They both agreed that it felt like it was quite a superficial process. They prioritised their choice based on genetics, health and family history. Thereafter, they went through 8 months of the pregnancy without knowing how their donor looked before they felt the urge to see what he looked like. “We decided to pay for his photos and were pleased to find that he was good looking. Phew!” they both sighed a relief.
When asked about how they chose their donor, Aurélie responded, “We know he is American. In his profile, there were a few points about his life and a little handwritten essay that gave us a sense about the person. It did feel like we were just shopping and it did cross our minds ... what if we ended up choosing a complete nutter!” They both agreed that it felt like it was quite a superficial process. They prioritised their choice based on genetics, health and family history. Thereafter, they went through 8 months of the pregnancy without knowing how their donor looked before they felt the urge to see what he looked like. “We decided to pay for his photos and were pleased to find that he was good looking. Phew!” they both sighed a relief.
The IVF cycles were a roller coaster ride for the couple as many who have been through can attest. Their fourth embryo transferred successfully and became their golden child, Louis. They chose the midwife-led model of maternity care in Brisbane and both mothers felt extremely well-supported throughout pregnancy. They rated their experience, from antenatal clinics, through to classes and their birth suite experience very highly. Being a same-sex couple really did not adversely affect their experience.
The IVF cycles were a roller coaster ride for the couple as many who have been through can attest. Their fourth embryo transferred successfully and became their golden child, Louis. They chose the midwife-led model of maternity care in Brisbane and both mothers felt extremely well-supported throughout pregnancy. They rated their experience, from antenatal clinics, through to classes and their birth suite experience very highly. Being a same-sex couple really did not adversely affect their experience.
Louis is now 4 years old. With both mothers now in their early 40s, Vicky reflected on their journey to parenthood and felt it was too emotionally and probably physically hard to even think about going through the process again. They feel blessed to have Louis and have completed their family.
Louis is now 4 years old. With both mothers now in their early 40s, Vicky reflected on their journey to parenthood and felt it was too emotionally and probably physically hard to even think about going through the process again. They feel blessed to have Louis and have completed their family.
Stairway at Home (Aurélie, Vicky & Louis) Medium: Graphite Pencils on Paper
Nowadays, the family of three goes about their daily life just like many other families in the community. Vicky gradually increased her days at work when Louis was about 11 months old. Maman (Aurélie) works full time while Mummy (Vicky) does 4 days a week. Louis spends his days at a centre-based kindergarten when his parents are at work.
Nowadays, the family of three goes about their daily life just like many other families in the community. Vicky gradually increased her days at work when Louis was about 11 months old. Maman (Aurélie) works full time while Mummy (Vicky) does 4 days a week. Louis spends his days at a centre-based kindergarten when his parents are at work.
In fact, Louis has already been through three different childcare centres. “He has been very adaptable, thankfully!” Vicky commented. With the centres, the family had not encountered significant difficulties as a rainbow family. Aurélie remembered, “Once, new staff at a centre were confused that Louis had two different mothers but not a father.” Aurélie and Vicky realised quickly how important it was for staff caring for Louis to be aware of his family structure to support him positively rather than inadvertently instilling confusion. At a similar time, Louis also began to develop an early understanding of the father figure in families. This became increasingly apparent through his pretend and role-plays. His mums think that his friends at his childcare centre may have been intrigued and also got him wondering about his family. When asked, Aurélie and Vicky would say, “You have just two mummies. When we wanted a child, we got a seed from a man and got the doctor to help plant it in mummy’s tummy and you grew from there.” For the time being, Louis seems content with the explanation.
In fact, Louis has already been through three different childcare centres. “He has been very adaptable, thankfully!” Vicky commented. With the centres, the family had not encountered significant difficulties as a rainbow family. Aurélie remembered, “Once, new staff at a centre were confused that Louis had two different mothers but not a father.” Aurélie and Vicky realised quickly how important it was for staff caring for Louis to be aware of his family structure to support him positively rather than inadvertently instilling confusion. At a similar time, Louis also began to develop an early understanding of the father figure in families. This became increasingly apparent through his pretend and role-plays. His mums think that his friends at his childcare centre may have been intrigued and also got him wondering about his family. When asked, Aurélie and Vicky would say, “You have just two mummies. When we wanted a child, we got a seed from a man and got the doctor to help plant it in mummy’s tummy and you grew from there.” For the time being, Louis seems content with the explanation.
Every Thursday, Vicky has a day off. She takes Louis to swim and dance lessons, and hangs out with him for the rest of the day. On Saturdays, Aurélie takes Louis to French classes, although they do not speak much French at home. Vicky does not speak it at all. Louis understands a lot but does not speak much. “He gets the opportunity when we interact with other families from his class and also on video-conferencing with my family,” Aurélie explained.
Every Thursday, Vicky has a day off. She takes Louis to swim and dance lessons, and hangs out with him for the rest of the day. On Saturdays, Aurélie takes Louis to French classes, although they do not speak much French at home. Vicky does not speak it at all. Louis understands a lot but does not speak much. “He gets the opportunity when we interact with other families from his class and also on video-conferencing with my family,” Aurélie explained.
The couple migrated to Australia from the United Kingdom about 10 years ago. Their love for travel and adventure led them to take a leap to live and eventually settle here. “We were only planning to be here for a few years,” Vicky recalled. Over time, they had started a family and became citizens too.
The couple migrated to Australia from the United Kingdom about 10 years ago. Their love for travel and adventure led them to take a leap to live and eventually settle here. “We were only planning to be here for a few years,” Vicky recalled. Over time, they had started a family and became citizens too.
However, all their families remain far away overseas. Without their closest ties, they formed dependable and supportive connections with close friends and neighbours. “Your friends really become your family,” Vicky shared her thoughts. While the couple remembered their days back in the United Kingdom where their whole friendship circle was gay, their lives now are almost a 180-degrees turnaround. Their closest friends are not from the gay community anymore. One of their neighbours, a traditional family with two children similar in age to Louis have a common ground in that their family were not close enough to provide support for their children. The two families have become great friends, spend a lot of leisure time together and lean on each other to care for the children when the need arises.
However, all their families remain far away overseas. Without their closest ties, they formed dependable and supportive connections with close friends and neighbours. “Your friends really become your family,” Vicky shared her thoughts. While the couple remembered their days back in the United Kingdom where their whole friendship circle was gay, their lives now are almost a 180-degrees turnaround. Their closest friends are not from the gay community anymore. One of their neighbours, a traditional family with two children similar in age to Louis have a common ground in that their family were not close enough to provide support for their children. The two families have become great friends, spend a lot of leisure time together and lean on each other to care for the children when the need arises.
On the other hand, Aurélie and Vicky recognised that it would be beneficial for Louis to learn of other rainbow families in the community and not feel alienated. They ensure that they attend some events run by relevant organisations e.g. Rainbow Families Queensland and they would even go to the pride march every so often. It was certainly not by intention that their social circle did not have other rainbow families. “We just haven't met and connected with other rainbow families to the level of being closer,” the couple clarified.
On the other hand, Aurélie and Vicky recognised that it would be beneficial for Louis to learn of other rainbow families in the community and not feel alienated. They ensure that they attend some events run by relevant organisations e.g. Rainbow Families Queensland and they would even go to the pride march every so often. It was certainly not by intention that their social circle did not have other rainbow families. “We just haven't met and connected with other rainbow families to the level of being closer,” the couple clarified.
Even though the couple’s families are abroad, they were over the moon and welcomed the news of Louis with open arms. Louis’ connections with his grandparents, uncles and aunties from both sides have been developed through regular contact using modern technology. However, the distance does mean that Aurélie and Vicky have never left Louis with anyone for more than several hours. Even now at four years of age, they have always had their baby with them every night.
Even though the couple’s families are abroad, they were over the moon and welcomed the news of Louis with open arms. Louis’ connections with his grandparents, uncles and aunties from both sides have been developed through regular contact using modern technology. However, the distance does mean that Aurélie and Vicky have never left Louis with anyone for more than several hours. Even now at four years of age, they have always had their baby with them every night.
While travel has always been one of the couple’s greatest loves, a new addition to the family has not dampened their sense of adventure. It was what brought them together and they very much want to share that with Louis. Since his birth, they have travelled annually to visit their families in Europe. From this year onwards, however, they decided that their travels would also include destinations closer to home here in Australia. Consequently, they visited Tasmania in March and Falls Creek for the great snow season in August this year and absolutely loved it. Europe will have to wait for every other year from now on.
While travel has always been one of the couple’s greatest loves, a new addition to the family has not dampened their sense of adventure. It was what brought them together and they very much want to share that with Louis. Since his birth, they have travelled annually to visit their families in Europe. From this year onwards, however, they decided that their travels would also include destinations closer to home here in Australia. Consequently, they visited Tasmania in March and Falls Creek for the great snow season in August this year and absolutely loved it. Europe will have to wait for every other year from now on.
